Love is, quite naturally, not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it feels like you two are staring at a sink full of dishes, neither of which moves. Arguments never stop; silences linger, or you just feel out of pace. Couples counseling can help you avoid constantly rehearsing disagreements in your thoughts at two in a.m., or from treading on eggshells.

Suggesting counseling nowadays can feel like defusing a bomb. Nobody like to come out as dramatic or accusatory. Simply said: “What if we had a conversation together? I believe it will help us to clean the air. No finger-pointing and no forceful remarks. The goal is to have both of you on the same team—even if that team is essentially fatigued and very disoriented.

Once both of you are receptive to the concept, you should start investigating. You can go alone with an online search or ask friends or relatives you trust. Sites including counselor directories are useful; you can filter by area, expertise, even language. Go through bios in a scroll. Check out who works with couples, what their experience is, and whether their approach is supportive.

Behind every therapist’s name, there’s generally a string of letters—LMFT, LPC, LCSW. Not necessary to commit what they all imply to memory. What counts is their marital experience and training. Ask them, if hesitant, “Do you regularly work with couples?” and “Can you tell us about your style?” Most therapists expected these kinds of queries.

Cost comes next as a challenge. Although therapy can cut your wallet, don’t let it discourage you. Ask directly about session rates and insurance acceptance. Many therapists set sliding scale rates. Additionally there are income-based counseling services, hence money shouldn’t be the issue stopping development.

See that first session as a test run after you schedule it. You both want to know whether things feel too rigid or if you can converse without restriction. The initial try may not be a home run occasionally. If it doesn’t feel like a fit, try another counselor; nothing major is lost.

You are not limited to meeting at an office of a therapist either. Common these days are video conferences. Some folks find it easier to open up with a screen between them and the therapist—or simply appreciate not having to put on actual pants.

Homework also starts to show up. That does not translate into essay writing. More likely you will find fresh discussion starters, listening drills, or advice on communication. And that’s progress—you might even find fun in how embarrassing some jobs seem.

Every relationship needs a spring clean occasionally. Seeking help is an investment, not a surrender. Couples counseling can help you both understand and trust each other more than before with a little patience, inquiry, and a dash of humor. And, if nothing else, you might at last agree on evening meal plans.